Hello to the reader of this blog. Your probably wondering why I am talking about life changes and how to cope with them, well any more many familys are being torn apart because of life changes and the bad decisions people make in there lifes. Lets begin with a story but this is a true story something that is happening in my life and how I choose to make it better.
let me begin, it all started when my mother and step dad started arguing over every little thing, when it first started happening I did not see the whole picture so I always thought it was my step dads fault. When I lived in NM for 13 years my mother has been in prison, doing drugs like Meth, being homeless and being with any man she could be with. My mom however cheated on my step dad twice and they havent even been married for 6 months when she did that. My mother also cheated on my real father when they two were together.
My mother was on probation for a long time. When my mother cheated on my step dad she told her mother what she did but not her father. So my grandpa wanted my step dad to get over the passed when in reality my grandpa did not know the whole story. My step dad right after there big fight he went to the bar and got drunk maybe his way of healing. He did not drink a beer in 6 months and relapsed.
He came home around 5 am in the morning saying he was sorry many times and he fell on the porch and yelling at the neighbor. My step dad gets violent with others but he dont hurt us when he is drunk. My mother and I were furious so we left for a day and came home. Right after my moms probation she decided to stay with her friends and they drink so she was influenced to drink also. I saw her going to the store to buy more and more beer. I was really disappointed at my mother.
Lets say the situation was not pretty she also smoked some weed whyll being drunk. My mother wanted me to go with her to a friends house but I did not feel safe because those people liked to either get drunk or have Meth and they were loosing there apartment anyways. I decided to stay a few houses away from home for a few days but did not feel right so I went back home. I forgave my step father and my mother was upset with me.
My mother was upset because she wanted me to follow her around, her friends food had no flavor I would rather starve I thought to myself. I have lost a lot of weight because of worrying about my mother. My mother is upset because I am on my step dads side. I have seen the whole situation now and I have come to the conclusion that my mother starts the fights she takes things offensively and pushes many of my step fathers buttons to see which one will make him fly off the handle. My step father trys to hard to remain calm. Because of my mothers choices she has lost our trust I will explain about that later and she also lost something that could give her food and shelter if she kept working hard.
My mother had a good job telemarketing she was practising her lines to me, she seemed to be getting the hang of it so I thought. I did not realize she was not practising enough any where else she went to work late a few times and called in because her back was hurting. They fired her I knew that was going to happend because of her actions to busy partying with her friends.
To top it off my mother ended up into a bicycle accident she hurt her leg and also had a seizure which my step father said she only gets when she is on Meth. My mother however wont admit when she is wrong and if she is back on drugs she wont tell us right away. Now lets talk about how I am coping with this situation I am in. My mother wants me to follow her where she goes but I want to graduate and have a great future not be homeless looking for drugs.
My Goal is to finish school and to Graduate and I can not do that If I am following my mother around. I even want to go to college and be a writer. My step dad said something that made this much easier on us. He said “Hope I cant worry about your mother any more I need to start eating healthier and no more drinking, I will still be your step father even if your mother does leave and you can live hear as long as you want.”Those words were of comfort to me. I realize I need to focus on my goals and not be worrying about what my mother is doing.
At my school I dont have any personal counselors or any friends to talk to about what I am going through. But if your facing a problem such as mine find someone you can trust and tell them how you feel, it is not bad to cry, I have not talked to many people about what I am going through but at times I want to cry in a room and not come out for a whyl”ll. If you dont talk to someone and you build all the frustration and anger on the inside that is not good because it can cause out bursts or depression.
Do not let someone elses choices in life affect you so much to where your always sad or depressed. When all this started with me I tryed to cut myself again and things to ease away the pain I had inside but all that did was make things worse. My girlfriend comforted me right when I needed it she checked on me and told me it would be alright. All I can do is pray for my mother and hope for the best that she will change and stop all the partying that she is doing, and if she dont want my step dad anymore she needs to stop playing mind games with him because that is really bad and is not right. My step dad is so hurt he dont want to get married ever again let alone have a girl friend. There not even divorced and he already took off the ring.
I could feel his pain I wanted to cry with him. My mother has been gone for almost 7 days now and keeps lying saying Ill be home tomorrow and the next day goes by and she isnt here. Me and my step dad both agree it is getting flat out ridiclous and needs to stop so if she isnt here today, tomorrow he is changing the locks and throwing her stuff out of the house.
You alone are responsible for you own happiness my favorite actor Michael J. Fox once said those words I know now that if someone trys to put me down that I have the remote control to my feelings not them. Try to talk to a friend about your problem and tell them how you feel. Do things you like to do like watch a favorite movie or go for a walk something that wont damage you more then how you are already feeling.Pray to God lay your burdens on him and he will sustain you.
I hope with whatever it is your facing I hope things will get better for you, when you feel your about to fall on your knees do not give up!!!!